Soliloquy

Just this morning as I went to school, while my teacher is discussing the lesson, I was in a point of having no interest to learn in the endeavor which  I have enrolled in.I was just sitting there looking in the board as if I am listening to the discussion. But in my mind, I am thinking beyond the perimeters of the classroom.I do not bother myself to refract my thoughts to the discussion instead I wrote a poem.So very weird.When I do not have the aspirations to understand I usually pick up a pen and write a poem or anything that I can incarnate my thoughts into words. I am fond in making rhymes.That is why, I love writing poems.Synchronizing  your thoughts and affections into perfect harmony is wonderful.Though  my write ups are not that good enough,I am still amaze how the Lord has inspired me to write.I remember when I was in high school during our journalism class I was so confident in my article until my teacher made too many remarks.I have a terrible English and my grammar are not that good even until now.  I did not dare to enter any competition in English knowing that it is the field where I am so weak. Even in a press conference in high school, I was disqualified in my output in photojournalism and I did not won in the editorial cartooning. Such incidents were tragic to me. And with all those negating circumstances that enfeebles my literary acquirements, I dare to be silent .I had made a remark that I am not good in English.Finding myself unable to excel in literature, I settled my mind in science and mathematics since I experienced better remarks with these subjects. And yet it is very contrary to me nowadays. Now that I am in college, after enrolling in a course where numbers are the language, I found myself incapable.When I was in first year, I am so boastful in myself that I can do it and I belittle those engineering subjects. But after experiencing INC’s and failing grades, I realize that I am not that good in science and mathematics. I end up in a day   thinking in certain world that existed but cannot be fathomed in a naked eye but only  through numbers and equations. So many theories learned about this object both macro and microscopically.But  the saddest thing to know is that  you cannot even relate it  in your present life. After realizing all those taxation on my mind,I found out that I am aspiring things that is superficial and temporal.I am discouraged and my vigor to aspire has lost it’s savor. Why do I spend myself with this nonsense course of study? Or am I stupid to comprehend the importance of such field of study?The effect of those failures on my life has eaten me up. The things which I thought that are very  easy, now I loathe and hated. Honestly I  love mathematics before but now when I have so many failing grades I am falling into generalization that I hate engineering.Now, I hate my present course and I have no aspiration to continue in  pursuing it. After the class, so many realizations have come into my mind. I know I find myself stupid. But I know that whatever will befall me Jesus doeth all  things well.

Jesus knows my very weakness.

He is acquainted with my grief.

He knows that I am searching.

He knows that I am weak.

Though the road has often beset me.

Though the wind so oft and strong.

Yet His hands are with me.

I know He is leading me home.

In the pursuit of education.

I falter on the way.

I cannot understand my longing.

Till darkness turn to day.

I am stupid to discover.

This world cannot tell the truth.

That death is waiting us all.

This is unknown since my youth.

We deem life tragic for those who earn such wealth

Of earthly education but are living to self.

Many people are dying, through ignorance and sin.

Yet many Christians are sleeping,

boasting  in the salvation they gain.

I dare to ask within my heart

How such world cannot impart.

The love of God that saves the world.

Where the poor will be rich in this truth untold.

What is then the most essential?

Acquiring degrees that is not eternal?

Perhaps I become a fool to this world,

If I  will not choose to enter to their fold.

I am aspiring an education that this world cannot offer.

In a classroom where I cannot see my Teacher.

Yet a Book is left unto us.

That we can fulfill our heavenly task.

When exams seem too hard,

the Comforter is ever on our side.

When courage fails to stand,

He is there to lift His hand.

Though I know this path requires denial,

I am not discourage to look upon the trial

Since Jesus bids me to seek His face.

I fully  rest on His unchanging grace.

I surrender now all to Him my affection,

I know He can offer a better education.

To this world where minds often shifting,

but His Word  is ever  unchanging.

I wish I could right some more.

But before  I will end this article I would like to share to you this quotation from the book of Education page 14:

“The mind of man is brought into communion with the mind of God ,the finite with the Infinite.The effect of such communion on body and mind and soul is beyond estimate. In this communion is found the highest education.It is God’s own method of development.”

We should never be discouraged  if we put God in our life first. Having Christ in our life will surpass any acquirement that this world had ever achieved. Remember how the Jews marvelled at the education of Jesus:

“And the Jews marvelled, saying, How knoweth this man letters, having never learned?” John 7:15

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